Signs of the Apocalypse.

I've found a sugar-free soda that doesn't taste WRONG. I was so startled that I panicked and ate half a pound of licorice to restore balance to the universe.

(It was a Jones Soda. Apparently they can do no wrong in my book even when they forgo the pure cane sugar.)

(...Well, I guess their turkey and gravy flavored sodas may have been a bit wrong, but that doesn't count, and if I ever managed to get one of them I would SO drink it anyway.)